I was standing in the dark, by myself, thinking about life…
I closed my eyes and, suddenly, I started to remember a thousand details and all of them were bringing me to you.
I remembered the first kiss you gave me and how perfect it was…
I remembered the first time you held me against your body and all the electrifying sensation which was running through my body while I was standing on your arms…
My mind ran through a million memories and all of them made me smile… but then, I opened my eyes again and I started crying, cause all I’ve seen were memories… You weren’t there holding my hand, you weren’t there looking me into the eyes, you weren’t even sleeping by my side (which is one of the most beautiful things God has ever created…. seeing you asleep makes me smile and admire such a beautiful angel, resting, breathing…)
And I cried because I miss those times when you made me feel like I was the only one…
I cried because, somehow, the popular saying is true: love gets cold once passion is gone..
You can’t understand how bad you make me feel when, even joking, you make me think that maybe someday you won’t love me anymore and someone may easily steal you away from me… It feels like I’m losing my ground, feels like I forgot how to breathe… You may think it’s stupidity, or jealously… well– if loving you beyond reasons makes me stupid, I guess I am… If being afraid of losing my reason to wake up is called jealously, so it is…
And I was almost drawing in tears when something came up to my mind: the first time you made my world stops for a while, the first time you said: “I love you!”. And, honestly, there is nothing compared to it. You brought colors to my life when you said it, when you meant it.
So many times I call myself “idiot” for letting me fall for you all over again. I labeled myself “silly” or “weak”, cause hundred times you broke my heart in pieces and I still love you. But now, thinking about the past and thinking about life I realized something: maybe I’m not weak for giving love a second (or a 1000th) chance, perhaps this is what makes me STRONGER. Weak is the one who gives up. And I truly realized I love you and even though I have that giant need to hear the same from you (and getting disappointed every single day with your coldness and your lack of romanticism) I learnt: I don’t love you to get something back, I just love you because I DO… Not because I need you, or because I’m better with you, simply because this is the honest way I feel.
All of a sudden I understood why I get mad so many times, it’s not because of the acts, it’s because my heart screams to be with you…Not once, twice or 5 days in a week. It wants to be with you forever, to wake up by your side, to gets to hear every single day a good morning coming from you.
And then I closed my eyes again and once more I started to think about love, and I noticed:
A big and fundamental part of my life is you…
